is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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