If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
