from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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