turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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