There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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