yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
