I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
