New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
