im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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