im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
We got so high we made milksteak
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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