apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
