shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I think I died a long time ago.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
