we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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