I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
