# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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