Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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