If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
