I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
