Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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