I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
