I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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