please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
