We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
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