Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
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I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
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I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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