Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
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