as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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