This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
