smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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