So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
