If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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