i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
