You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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