I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I puked a lego.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
