I will die if light touches me.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
