He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Randomize
