So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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