There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
