Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
