Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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