the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.