cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
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He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
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You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?