I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus