I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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