i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
