apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
