a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I have fence marks all over my body
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
