What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
