Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
