I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
