So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
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vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
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Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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