They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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