She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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