Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
