did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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