We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Randomize
