Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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