She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
