Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
We need a shit load of segways right now
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
