Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Randomize
