the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Randomize
