i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
