two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
