My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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