I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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