If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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