I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
you had me at cake vodka
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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