yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
