the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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