Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
