So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
