What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Who put my cat in the fridge?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
