very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
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