i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
