I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Be still, my beating vagina.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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