My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
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